The truth about growing up is I secretly vehemently hate the process. Every process of “adulting” is equal to dip an open wound in cold saline water. Somehow, the salinity heals the wound but at the same time it is a wreaking havoc to the sensory nerves. That cold saline water damn hurts, man! I hate the adult small talks. I hate answering and asking the common question such as “what do you do?”. The question become the common polite norm to engage other people and I am not interested in what people are doing. I am interested in question like “what is your perfect dream?”.
For me, my job is not the whole part of my life. It is just my way of living. Dream is far from the common things we are doing. It is the vehicle to understand how your life moulds your desire, how your desire drives your soul and how your soul rides this world. Dream is actually the complex system to understand your being not doing.
Probably it is just me who is always on th quest of finding my own self. I am the kid trapped in the body of young 20s. The question “what do you do?” is the question I reluctantly ask in order to fit in over “social” interaction. I am an extrovert, but if you put me in the situation where I have to throw the question every 30 second or less, you will see the juice of my life drains out. I realized this after I had a small reunion with old friends. It was so uncomfortable.
Probably the arts of growing up gives me bitter taste because I was living such an easy life. I did not struggle like my mother did and this taste of bitterness might be just the beginning of living; the beginning of tasting the life’s lemon. It will be bitter in the beginning, then turns sour and finally leaving exciting tangling sensation in the end.
Perhaps I don’t hate “adulting”, I just do not familiarize myself in the situation before. However, I might just hate it and “being adult” for not admitting it. I am eventually becoming an adult myself. I am still figuring out on which stance I lean into. I guess what I have to do is dipping the wound even deeper in the colder more saline water.